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F.T.W. & Most People On It. The indiscriminate use of vulgar language is the linguistic crutch of the inarticulate mutherfocker. I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.
A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp
partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three
wishes.
The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a golf-course
mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women.
After he makes love to all of them, he begins to explore this fabulous
house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the
floor is covered in $100 bills.
Then, there's a knock at the door.
He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux
Klan outfits.
They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and
hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods and it's the
two blonde genies.
One blonde genie says to the other one, 'I can understand the first
wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
And I can also understand his second wish, wanting to be a millionaire.
But why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me.'
__________________
F.T.W. & Most People On It. The indiscriminate use of vulgar language is the linguistic crutch of the inarticulate mutherfocker. I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.
BLONDE LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;
likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"
__________________
F.T.W. & Most People On It. The indiscriminate use of vulgar language is the linguistic crutch of the inarticulate mutherfocker. I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.
Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a
candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand,
tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from
his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move
slightly.
"My darling Becky," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk." He
was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice
"I ... I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky.
"Everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with
your Sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your
Mother!" "I know" Becky whispered softly.
"That's why I poisoned you."
__________________
F.T.W. & Most People On It. The indiscriminate use of vulgar language is the linguistic crutch of the inarticulate mutherfocker. I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.
Linear Mode
